This morning I learned about a man with a heart condition who had to have knee surgery. To try to get a break from the pain and get some sleep, he would take an Oxy pill. However, he discovered that the pain pill meant to give him some sleep messed with his pacemaker—which meant he couldn’t sleep. It also put his life at risk of a catastrophic heart attack.

What a frustrating cycle.

After you discover your wife is cheating you find yourself in a story similar to this man. You feel pain like you’ve never felt before. Sometimes the pain is overwhelming. Sleep seems so elusive.

Since you can’t sleep, you’re exhausted. This means your defenses are down. You’re more vulnerable than ever to making some really bad decisions.

You just want some relief and some rest.

Like the man above, it feels like the best option is to find something to numb the pain so you can just get some sleep. There are many options to numb pain. Here are a few:
• Substances like alcohol or drugs
• Sex

Here’s the problem. Just like the man above trying to take some Oxy to get relief from his pain, it caused problems with his heart that were life threatening.

Ultimately the pain pill didn’t solve that man’s problems—it actually created more problems. Similarly, when you try to numb your pain, it doesn’t solve problems, it creates more.

If you go to substances to find relief you open up a whole mess of bad possibilities. You risk a cycle of addiction that could destroy your life. You are not able to be present to your kids. You may lose your job, causing even more financial duress. You might even find yourself in jail with a DUI.

During this season of my life, I found it very tempting to have three or more drinks in an evening to simply escape. Fortunately, unlike some of my friends, I did not get sucked into alcoholism. However, what did happen is that I found myself delirious and sad. It didn’t resolve my pain, it actually exposed it. And in my drunk state, there was nowhere to go with the pain except for making bad decisions like texting my unfaithful wife.

With alcohol or drugs, you may get some relief, but ultimately, you will not fine healing. Like the knee surgery guy, you’re attempts to numb the pain only send you deeper into
Another place we go as men for comfort is to sex. This is especially true since you’re not getting any during this time. Pornography seems like a sensible escape. It’s available and you’re not having to hurt anyone else.

Like alcohol or drugs, with pornography, you risk addiction. What happens to your heart will have lasting consequences that haunt you into your future relationships. Rather than find healing for your heart and fight for your family, you’ll find yourself pulled under into endless hours of fantasy. As many men can testify, the end of this road is destruction.

Like all addictions, you end up getting distracted from the healing.

What can you do instead? The best way to deal with pain is to get to find healing. Here are some articles to give you some insight.