If your wife has had an affair with another man, getting over it seems impossible. How do you get past the pain, anger, and jealousy? How do you unsee the images that scroll through your mind? How do you move on?

Just asking the question, “How do I get over it?” is such a great place to start. The question itself brings the hope that yes, you can get over this. 

First, I want to let you know that you are not alone. Since most men are too embarrassed to talk about their wife’s affair, most men don’t know that many men that they know have experienced this. 

Other men have walked this path. Some of them are right here on this website. You’ll meet them and hear their stories. You’ll have the opportunity to learn from their successes and failures.

Second, you do not have to stay in this valley. You can emerge on the other side a stronger man. 

Getting better is not a guarantee. Many men stuff the emotions and pain. They stay in the valley. Their unresolved pain becomes like an untreated wound festers.

There’s something about us as men that want to tough it out. We think we can bury pain by getting back to work. We think we can distract with video games, hobbies, or porn. The reality rears its ugly head in the quiet times of the night. Alcohol and drugs are easy options to numb the pain. But guess what, the pain is still there.

The pain you feel is a deep wound crying out for healing. The heartache of your wife’s affair points to a deep wound in your heart that needs to be healed. Like any wound, healing takes time and intentional effort. 

There is a saying that, “Time heals all wounds.” While there is truth to that, time is only half of the story. The first half requires some intervention. With some intentional work supported by other men who understand what you are going through, you can find healing.

This brings up the third point: getting over your wife’s affair is a journey. Like all journeys, there is a destination. There is life on the other side of this.

Stephen Covey, author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, offers great advice when he says we need to “begin with the end in mind.”

What do you want to become? What do you want restored in your life? What kind of man do you want to become?

This is a good time to ask these questions. Prayerfully and thoughtfully consider this. Write it down. (Here are some ideas to create a vision for your future.)

The journey out of this valley will take some time and may be harder than anything you’ve done up to this point in your life. Getting out of the valley is possible and it is worth it--for you, for your family, and for your future.

I encourage you to take time over the next few days to dream about your future. What kind of man do you want to be?

At She Cheated, you’ve found a group of men who understand what you’re going through. We are fellow travelers who want to help you get through this valley and on to a better future.