You need to accept the reality of your wife's affair with another man even if you don’t want to.

In Man’s Search For Meaning, Victor Frankl tells his story of being admitted to the German concentration camps of World War II. Everything inside him wanted to believe that what was happening was not actually happening, just as everything inside of you wants to believe that your wife is not having an affair with another man.

Frankl talks about “The Delusion of Reprieve.” This is a condition of a condemned man who, immediately before his execution, believes that he will be saved at the very last minute. There is something inside us that wants to deny the reality of what is about to unfold.

You have been presented with some hard realities. Your wife is having an affair with another man. She has broken her vows to you.

The consequences that will unfold in your life because of this reality seem devastating. This affects you. If you have children, it affects their lives. It affects your financial security. It also affects your reputation.

With all of these repercussions, much like the prisoner on death row, your instinct is toward the delusion of reprieve. Maybe it will all go away. Maybe I don’t really understand what is happening. Maybe it’s not as bad as I think.

The delusion often centers around your wife’s character. “She’s a good person. This isn’t like her.” Maybe you begin thinking that it is not her fault because she was seduced by a bad man. In the Christian world, men say things like, “She’s been deceived by the enemy.”

It’s amazing how when presented with the worst of facts, most men begin to defend their wives. Some men will even get defensive with their friends who know what is going on and are trying to help.

Why is this? Much like the prisoner about to enter a concentration camp or a death row inmate about to face their execution, the reality of the situation seems too much to bear. Instead, we look to write a better story.

You want to hope things are different than they really are. You want to believe the best about your wife. You want to believe that she would not do this to you. You want to hope that the life you thought was is not collapsing below your feet.

If you find yourself under the delusion of reprieve, I want you to know that you are not alone. Most men experience this.

The important thing is not to stay here. Some men do stay in this state of delusion for months, even years. Their wife is cheating, but the fear of the realities of what would unfold if they acknowledge the reality leaves men living in delusion. This is a terrible place to live. Staying here will have deeper consequences in your life than acknowledging and dealing with reality.

Things have happened. The reality of your wife’s infidelity is unpleasant, but it is reality.

If you feel the delusion of reprieve happening, what is really going on is that you are experiencing the first of five stages of grief: denial. When someone or something dies, psychologists tell us that we cycle through five stages of grief:

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

Denial is natural. Just know that you cannot stay there. If you do, you will go crazy.

Reality and truth are your friends. Are these hard truths? Yes. However, you cannot move forward from that which you deny exists.

Whether you just found out your wife is cheating or whether you have been denying it for years, I encourage you to take some steps away from the delusion of reprieve.

This has happened. It needs to be dealt with. Other men have been down this road and can testify that even though it may feel hopeless, you will survive and you can thrive.